Why It's Important That Children Fail: The Hidden Benefits of Mistakes
As parents, it’s natural to want to shield our children from failure. We step in to fix problems, smooth the path ahead, and ensure they feel successful, which is important, particularly with younger children. But in doing so too frequently, we might be depriving them of some of the most valuable lessons in life, lessons that impact their future. Failure, while uncomfortable, is one of the greatest teachers a child can have. It fosters resilience, encourages problem-solving, and builds essential life skills that success alone cannot provide.
When a child fails, they have an opportunity to reflect, adjust, and try again. Studies in educational psychology highlight that struggle is essential to the learning process. According to research published in the Journal of Educational Psychology, students who encounter challenges and persist develop a deeper understanding of concepts compared to those who find tasks easy from the start.
Neuroscientists also confirm that failure strengthens neural pathways. When children experience setbacks and work through them, their brains adapt, creating stronger connections that improve future problem-solving abilities. This is known as neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to rewire itself in response to experiences, including mistakes.
Success feels great, but it doesn’t push us to grow. Psychologist Carol Dweck, known for her work on the growth mindset, explains that children who are taught to embrace failure as a learning experience develop greater perseverance and motivation. In contrast, those who are shielded from failure often develop a fixed mindset, believing their abilities are static and avoiding challenges altogether.
A study from Cognitive Science journal found that students who made mistakes and received feedback were more likely to retain information compared to those who got the right answer immediately. This proves that making errors isn't just part of learning, it's a crucial step in mastering any skill.
When children experience failure, they develop essential character traits that will serve them throughout life. Some of these include:
Resilience — Learning to bounce back from setbacks teaches kids that obstacles can be overcome with effort and perseverance.
Humility — Experiencing challenges helps children extend empathy and compassion to others, and then toward themselves as a result.
Problem-Solving Skills — Failure forces children to think critically about what went wrong and how they can improve next time.
Self-Confidence — When kids work through failures and eventually succeed, they gain confidence in their ability to handle challenges.
Adaptability — Experiencing failure teaches kids to adjust their approach and embrace flexibility in uncertain situations.
Intrinsic Motivation — Children who learn from failure begin to see effort as valuable, rather than just focusing on external rewards.
Rather than preventing failure, parents can support their children in learning from it. This doesn’t mean stepping back entirely but rather guiding them through the experience in a way that fosters growth.
Imagine your child struggling with math homework. Instead of giving them the answer when they get frustrated, parents can ask guiding questions: “What do you think you could try differently?” or “Where do you think you got stuck?” This approach not only encourages problem-solving but also builds perseverance and confidence in their ability to find solutions.
Parents can also model resilience in their own lives. When facing challenges, openly, but age appropriately, discussing struggles and the lessons learned can demonstrate to children that mistakes are not something to be feared but embraced. A simple statement like, “I had a really tough day at work. I realized I need to approach that project differently,” can show kids that even adults experience setbacks and grow from them.
Finally, fostering a household culture that values effort over perfection can make all the difference. Celebrating persistence—whether in sports, academics, or hobbies—reinforces that success is about the journey, not just the destination. Encouraging phrases like, “I’m proud of how hard you worked on that,” rather than, “You’re so smart,” can help children develop a mindset that values effort and learning over innate ability.
By embracing failure as an essential part of growth, children will develop the skills and mindset they need to navigate life’s inevitable challenges with confidence and resilience. In the end, our greatest successes are built on the lessons we learn from falling down and getting back up again.
